Anna Movie (2019) Review

Anna Movie (2019)
Anna Movie (2019)

 

 

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Anna flies off the rails and  goes disastrously wrong right from the start and only gets worse as things progress.

In fact, if “Anna” wasn’t written and directed by Besson himself critics would claim that the movie is nothing more than a misfired rehash of Atomic Blond meets a befuddled  Vlademir Putin (In Drag no less) who just broke up with his boyfriend Donald Trump.

When one considers the enormous box-office failure of his previous film, the ambitious sci-fi saga “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets,” (Which I really liked, because of the astonishing animation.)

Then  it wouldn’t be a leap of logic to assume that that Besson  might want to retreat to something a little more familiar as a way of reestablishing his commercial standing.

But NNOOoo!

Besson  startlingly presents the viewer with a lazy bit of hackwork that is nothing if not  derivative of Atomic Blonde complete with a dark haired lesbian lover. Who I think doesn’t die but is merely lost, never to be seen or heard from ever again.

The movie opens in 1990, Anna (Sasha Luss), a beautiful Russian, is selling nesting dolls in a Moscow market when she is spotted by a scout for a French modeling agency and sent off to Paris to work.

Earlier though Anna meets her KGB recruiter Alex (Luke Evans), who recognizes the usefulness of her combination of beauty, brains and ambition and offers her a chance to join the organization and work with him and his boss, Olga (Helen Mirren.

What the fruk is it with this new slew of films jumping all over the time continuum? Back five years, forward 8 months and so on.

Back in 1990, Anna is maintaining her cover as an up-and-coming model, even going so far as to establish a romance with fellow model named MaudAnd Then There’s Maud

(Lera Abova) is the unrequited lover who Anna repeatedly disappoints by never being emotionally available, not EVER!

Hell while telling Anna how she wants to build their dream home by hand (Because her Father was a carpenter,) Anna  being the archetype of the promiscuous bisexual trope she is, appears preoccupied with the CIA agent sitting a few tables away.

Why?  Because she is fucking him of course. 

Also why in the hell does Maud keep falling for the line: ‘Can you go get me a glass of wine?’ They are eating in a gosh-forsaken restaurant! The frukking waiter can go get the wine!

Anna learns the American CIA agent/lover only wants to use her in order to settle a gruesome score depicted in an otherwise mystifying prologue that I completely missed (Maybe I was too busy wondering why the character Anna was screwing every available cock within a 30 foot radius.)

No lesbian sex scene between Anna and Maud, shit so lesbian anything and I really think that Lera Abova would have done a bang up job (banging Anna,) I could tell just by the sound of her voice!

Oh and the Model who played the titular character used a stunt double for the nearly the entirety of the action sequences. BLASPHEMY

The film’s release comes on the heels of several allegations of sexual misconduct, including rape against Besson.This latest ‘me too’ moment isn’t Besson’s first foray into the netherworld of unwanted sexual advances.  He fathered a child with Mai Wenn Lebesco (Who played Marie opposite Cecile de Frabce  in the movie: High Tension)

Mai Wenn worked with Besson and slept with him when she was a 16 year old child and acting in The Fifth Elemen alongside of Besson’s wife Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil) who was the star in the aforementioned movie: Nnd don’t give me any sh!t about how Europeans are more mature because if that happened in the U.S. we would call them Hillbillies.

I have been a fan of many of Besson’s films  and embraced his vision— Especially with the movie Valerian: The City of A Thousand Planets. which possessed an impeccable and distinctive style and sometimes oddball narrative.

The chaos in Besson’s personal life is reflected in this movie that has so much going on that Anna’s hapless lover Maud is literally lost in the shuffle.

Grade: C+ for beautiful models caught up in the drama of life